I have many supportive people in my life, and for them I am thankful. The love and support I have received over the last many months has been astonishing and admirable to say the least. As I came out to those closest to me, to explain who I am on the inside, had their reactions been shock or rejection I am not sure I would have survived the last few months.
One person in my life has not been quite so accepting. This person is having a very difficult time adjusting to the gross tonnage of what all this means. They understand this is the right path for me and will lead to happiness, but it still very difficult for them. They try to cope with how less tolerant people will react to and treat me. They hope I will be free from judgment, pain, prejudice, and persecution, but I know this is not the case. Despite knowing this is the right path for me, sometimes they feel and express being taken back for a moment with anxiety and fear for me about the uncertainty of the future. This person, who struggles with my future, is me Hailey.
I sincerely hope I can learn to accept myself as much as those who love and care for me do. While all those amazing supportive people continue to help me down my path, I still feel resistance inside. I fear that once I am happy as who I am, I will be afraid to leave the home.
If there was a single cell in me that believed in a higher power, such as the Christian embodiment of God, I would pray for strength and acceptance. (Though I am pretty sure praying to a Christian god on this topic would be pretty hypocritical).
All I can do is find the strength to go on, and not seek an easy way out by forgetting about this path. The path of least resistance would be to go back to pretending and living a 'hetero-normative' 'gender-normative' lifestyle.
To those in my life who are helping me along, I could not be doing this without you.
I love and thank you.
~ Hailey Amelia Rae