Tuesday, March 12, 2013
I received good news a few days ago, after waiting on two different waiting lists for what feels like a lifetime I am finally scheduled to meet a psychiatrist who specializes in transsexuality. I have made excellent progress with therapy to help me with my anxiety-acceptance issues. But the time is overdue to finally meet the gate-keeper. I will digress about the gate-keeper for a moment. Where I live, so long as there is mental health intervention and recommendation a General Practitioner is able to prescribe hormone replacement therapy and initiate the non-surgical parts of transitioning. Yet I am expected to wait for the psychiatrist, which may or may not be due to a fear by the professionals that i am not ready. Anyways, another month and this will be a moot point. The reason why this appointment next month is such a big deal is a year ago I was anxious and ashamed even talking to a MD about who I am inside. The desire and knowledge has been there since childhood but yet I. was still ashamed. Yet now I am showing up at appointments relieved to share more, and to feel progress towards my destiny. I used to be afraid of what was coming and now I find myself excited. The biggest indication of the positive change in me is how many people I have been able to come out to and open up to despite not looking remotely like the person, the woman, I want or need to be. I still get minor feelings of nervousness but its far from the anxiety I was feeling before. Every time I peel back a layer of my camouflage I feel better and better. This positive outlook and well-being would not be possible without the loving support I have gotten from friends and my chosen family. It is those friends and chosen family that have enabled me to move forward from the repression of my youth by my relatives. So without knowing what exactly will happen at this appointment next month I am counting down and everyday I am happier and calmer.
~ Hailey Amelia Rae